The Lands of Meeriad

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Jokes A telephone repair man joined the Army. As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor tried to find out why. "What's the matter with you?" shouted the DI. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?" "I was a telephone repair man," replied the recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..." The man checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off! "Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving this end here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!" A little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it." he responded. "Well, it doesn't matter," explained the teacher, "you don't know even what it means." "I do, so!" Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start." Teacher: Max, use "defeat," "defense" and "detail" in a sentence. Max: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail. The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down." Jesus vs. Elvis Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39) Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956) Jesus is part of "the Trinity." Elvis' first band: a trio. Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965) Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members. Jesus was resurrected. Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" special. Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37) Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957) Matthew was one of Jesus' biographers. (The Gospel of Matthew) Neil Matthews was one of Elvis' biographers. (Elvis: A Golden Tribute) "Jesus' clothes became a dazzling white" (Mark 9:3) Elvis' snow-white jumpsuits dazzled audiences. Jesus lived in state of grace in a Near Eastern land. Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state. Jesus: the Lamb of God. Elvis: had mutton chop sideburns. Jesus' Father is everywhere. Elvis' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit. Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.	Stasis Archer Bio-Shell Archer Banned (Spamming) Immortal 2/16/2002 2:00:14 PM Level: 1 Experience: 0 Total Posts: 1308
RE: Jokes whered ya get those? i know some jokes, but there not that good "Darkness is the only trustworthy thing nowadays."	Steve Ongar Black Ops Agent DSI Immortal 2/17/2002 4:06:05 PM Level: 1 Experience: 0 Total Posts: 112
RE: Jokes Wolf is on a joke mailing list. "CleanLaffs".	Stasis Archer Bio-Shell Archer Banned (Spamming) Immortal 2/17/2002 4:56:00 PM Level: 1 Experience: 0 Total Posts: 1308
RE: Jokes I tell him alot like those...not THOSE, but I have told him some LIKE them...The best one is..."The flying goat".....	Chris Storms 1st In Command of SG&C Mercenary Immortal 2/17/2002 5:01:15 PM Level: 20 Experience: 32580 Total Posts: 1382
RE: Jokes Yesterday he GOT the flying goat one.	Stasis Archer Bio-Shell Archer Banned (Spamming) Immortal 2/17/2002 5:09:22 PM Level: 1 Experience: 0 Total Posts: 1308
RE: Jokes i told you that one a long time ago...should I tell it to everyone here?	Chris Storms 1st In Command of SG&C Mercenary Immortal 2/17/2002 5:15:34 PM Level: 20 Experience: 32580 Total Posts: 1382
RE: Jokes Sure... I want to see it again anyway.	Stasis Archer Bio-Shell Archer Banned (Spamming) Immortal 2/17/2002 5:46:06 PM Level: 1 Experience: 0 Total Posts: 1308
RE: Jokes Here it is just a few more.. Jesus Is watching you... There was a robber, he was in a house stealing fine silver. He hears "Jesus is watching you". He stops dead in his tracks. About after 30 seconds he goes again, stealing the China. Again he hears "Jesus is watching you". He turns on his flashlight and looks around the room. He sees a parrot over in the corner. He walks over and says "Was that you?" The parrot then replies "Yes". "Well, what is your name?" the robber asks. "Moses" the Parrot says. "Moses? What kind of family would name there parrot Moses?" The robber replied back. "The same kind that would name a rotwhiler Jesus..." Pet Lobsters There was this guy, he was fishing for lobsters illegally. A patrol man came up to him and asked him for his lobster license. The man didn't have one. So, the patrol man was going to take him in. The fisherman said, "Wait, these aren't caught. There my pets!". The patrol man then said "Pets huh?". "Yes, I whistle and they come back too." the fisherman said.  "I'm gonna have to see this..." the patrol man said in response. "ok." He then threw the lobsters back. The patrol man then said, "Ok, now, bring back the lobsters." Then the fisherman said..."What lobsters?" (Now the patrol man can't turn him in. Because, he has no proof that the guy ever had them.) Flying Goats Two farmers where walking through a pasture. They come up on a hole. They couldn't see the bottom, so they got a stone and threw it in. They didn't hear anything. So they got a bigger stone, and threw it in. Nothing...They saw a railroad tie a few yards away. They pick it up, and toss it in. Nothing. A few minutes later, a goat comes FLYING threw the pasture and jumps in the hole. They wait, nothing. So, they wait a couple more minutes, and they see another farmer running down threw the field. He stops and asks "Have you seen my goat around here?" The other farmers say, "One just jumped into that hole..." The other farmers then tells them, "That's impossible, my goat was tied to a railroad tie..." What Would Jesus Drive Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?". One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury". But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm". Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast". Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills". Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord".	Chris Storms 1st In Command of SG&C Mercenary Immortal 2/17/2002 5:52:59 PM Level: 20 Experience: 32580 Total Posts: 1382
RE: Jokes i heard the jesus one..the others are funny, but i don't get the goat one	Jake Conner 3rd in command of SG&C Mercenary Immortal 2/17/2002 6:29:54 PM Level: 19 Experience: 31340 Total Posts: 1088
RE: Jokes They threw the railroad tie that the goat was tied to into the hole, and then the goat came flying and into the hole because the hole was so deep.	Stasis Archer Bio-Shell Archer Banned (Spamming) Immortal 2/17/2002 6:41:05 PM Level: 1 Experience: 0 Total Posts: 1308

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